So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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