Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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