just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
