The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
