Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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