FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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