he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
