If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
