I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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