Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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