we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
