Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
