I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
