and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
