Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
