So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
