I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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