I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
