he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
