How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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