she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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