Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
