Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
