My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
