I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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