So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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