I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
