There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
