I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i've created a new STD.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You are a genius and a whore.
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