We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
