Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
