I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
