Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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