is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
