Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
