Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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