are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
