I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
