Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
