Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I checked into jail on foursquare
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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