Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
