i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
