I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm like, not good at living.
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