i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
