Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
