i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
