then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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