My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
