If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
