what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
