you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
