He is such a slut. More and more my type.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
