Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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