note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
