Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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