the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
