oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
