She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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