just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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