I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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